Posted by: martinworster | March 6, 2003

7. GOD IS A LAPTOP DJ AND HEAVEN IS A HALFPIPE

Plenty of panini’s a lil bit of punani, a sprinkling of special needs (Swedes) and some more Scandanavians to Finnish it off…all pix can be clicked on for bigger version

 Well it hasn’t stop snowing for two days and you could say I’ve been blessed with the conditions. So much snow so I’m itching to smash the fucking gaff up tomorrow (this has become a bit of a catchphrase of mine out here). I’m also beginning to talk in ‘snowboarder’ speak. My sentences are beginning to be peppered with terms such as ‘stoked’, ‘gnarly dude’, ‘radical man’, ‘awesome tree-line bro’ and ‘check my line in this deep powder man’. I’m thinking of auditioning for a part in Bill and Ted III. I might even get blonde highlights in my hair and some additional piercings, possibly in my eyebrow or if I’m feeling extra gnarly, my japs eye.A lot of this is due to some of the people I hang out with. I board with quite a few different people. There’s Yango who’s from Cape Town – or Kep Tan as he says in SA speak. He’s a gnarly surfer man. So laidback the back of his head scrapes on the ground. You can tell he’s a surfer from his riding style; smooth, slashbacks, pumping the transition and generally being radical. For now that’s enough of the mountain talk. I’ll just leave it till tomorrow when I will be perfecting my mute fakie 540 stalefish grabs dude.

French moan three – well you all know about my strict vegetarian leanings so you can guess that it’s a bit of a nightmare being a veggie out here. I thought there might be a French equivalent to Linda Mcartney but no such luck. I am slowly turning into a cheese baguette without tomatoes.

French moan four – went to the local swimming baths the other day. For reasons of hygiene you’re not allowed to wear surf shorts and they make you wear batty boy Speedo type shorts. And if you don’t have them they make you loan a pair. For reasons of hygiene literally my arse! You have to wear a pair of mouldy, Garlic infested gay pants that every other French fucker has worn, now that’s really clean. What made me laugh even more was they made you leave a deposit (my car keys) in case you ran off with the pants. Yeah, right….

Of course out here I’ve already pal’d up with the local geek. I get free Internet access whenever I want on a fast connection so I can continue selling antiques to people around the world via my good friend Ebay. Back to the geek. He’s going to set me up a wireless LAN – in English this means I will be able to use my laptop anywhere in the vicinity (500m) of the hub to pick up emails etc withouth plugging in. This also means I can take my laptop into the DJ booth and search for MP3s and play them. This means I have the whole worlds music collection at my finger tips and will never have to decline a request for music unless its MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice. We might do a ‘dukebox night’ where people can ask for whatever and I will find it and play it. Sorry music biz types, I know you’re quaking in your boots but it is the future and you can’t stop it. I’ve been DJing of my laptop on a few nights – I’ve got PCDJ installed so I can mix MP3s etc and its cheaper and I can fit 20,000 tunes on my hardrive. Come on – God is a laptop DJ!

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