Posted by: martinworster | March 6, 2003


Engleeesh animals!, veggie sausages, punch ups outside the club and actually not missing London very much at all thank you very much…That’s right Monsieur Beckham decided to pay a visit to my neck of the woods. Well Man Utd were playing Juventus in the second round of the Champions League in Turin so I decided to check it out as it’s only just down la rue. Well 150 K away. What an experience! Mad Italian fans, firecrackers, red smoke – just like on TV. I was sitting in the Juve end so kept a low profile. Especially when the chant ‘Engleesh animal, Engleesh Animal, Engleesh Animal’ rang round the stadium. There was a bit of bottle throwing between the fans too, thankfully of the plastic variety. And lots of aggressive gesticulating of the ‘Come on then, outside,’ type. Despite the fact that they were seperated by barbed wire and flanks of tear gas wielding police (many of them female) and there was around 80,000 people in the stadium. As if they were really going to meet outside for a bit of a scrap. Anyway, as for the football Juventus were crap and Man Utd walked all over them to the tune of 3-0.

Vegetarian sausages. My sister brought me about twenty packs out which I put into the freezer and now I’m every veggie’s best friend as this sort of cuisine is hard to come by out here. I’ve had mad, crazy eyed veggies approach me in the street foaming at the mouth and threatening to clump me to death with a leg of lamb unless I feed their addiction. As soon as I whip out my leg of pork they soon scamper off.

Trouble at the club. We’ve had some. The other night someone was annoying me with constant requests for ACDC. Pissed me off that much that I took him out the back of the club with my security Paul and PG and chin’d him with an iron bar. Actually I just made that up – I keep my aggression on the slopes. We have had a few mad bundles though. As long as they’re not in the club its okay. We just watch and only step in if it gets out of hand. The other night there was a mass brawl, probably started by some girl. Everyone was punching fuck out of each other. One of them was so drunk he was throwing punches wide and the next day his knuckles had lumps the size of gold balls on where he’d twatted the concrete. Doh!

Am I missing London? No. I miss family and friends but to be honest with you I kind of had it with London. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Londoner and there will always be a special place in my heart for the smoke – but right now I’m gonna be taking a long sabbatical from the city. All I get is emails from you lot moaning about the place. Then its the snippets of news I hear via – my temporary escape from my Cham media bubble – which make me think I’m best out of there. Two inches of snow brings UK to standstill. Two mile journey across town takes five hours. Suicide bomb attacks threatened in London. Tube strike. Army called in to Heathrow. And I haven’t even mentioned the weather and the price of pork scratchings. I’m thinking, hmm, nice. My quality of life index indicates that it ain’t happening there for me. I did get frustrated with the aggressive and competitive atmosphere I felt there too. I earn this. What label’s that? I’m better than you. Now I still compete but its of a temporarily different type, like how fast can you go and how high can you jump duuuude!

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