Posted by: martinworster | September 10, 2006

21. DUDE, WHERE’S MY QUEENS ENGLISH?

Totally stoked to be here dude, no way. Way

Living West Coast here I am trying to be resilient to crass Americanization to the English language. I was taught how to speak and write propa so I will not be party to vulgar cannibalisations to both my vocabulary and spellingz.

I’ve met people of British descent who descend into a dreadful mid-Atlantic drawl and if that ever happens to me then please, someone, shoot me with a Glock. As it is when I walk into a store, I mean shop, the teller, sorry assistant, always asks me what part of Australia I’m from. Or New Zealand. When I tell them I’m from England I explain further that we are a small island race in the North Atlantic close to Europe. And the home of the English language. I say this through tight lips whilst looking down my nose and in a stiff Home Counties but not Essex accent. It’s at this point I am invariably staring down the barrel of a Glock.

Click to enlarge!Frequently words crop up in American English and I’m baffled with their origin. Take restroom meaning toilet. Where did that one come from? I keep expecting to find a man on a sofa lying down in the toilet when I take a piss. When I ask him what he’s doing he’ll tell me he’s ‘just resting’. Who apart from vagrants, long distance lorry drivers and the mad rests in a toilet?

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