Posted by: martinworster | May 26, 2009

61. OC TYPES

OC TYPES

 

Like any part of the world, Orange County has it’s own selection of youth tribes with easily identifiable sartorial signifiers and other unique characteristics. It’s fascinating to observe and I’ve attempted to describe some of those with the highest visibility and penetration:

 

THE BRO – perhaps the most irritating OC youth sub species is – ‘The Bro’. This male group is most easily recognised by large, rippling muscles everywhere, a square protruding jaw, an overall air of nonchalant machismo, an abundance of tattoos (particularly on the calves) and a pea sized brain. Normally drives a large XL pick up truck but equally happy in a Hummer or some other gas guzzling monstrosity single handedly responsible for global warming and driven solely to compensate for the small penis of aforementioned driver. Can be found in numbers on Main Street, Huntington Beach, particularly in Sharkees where the Tits and Tats crowd can be found hanging out, in-breeding and mutating from a very narrow gene pool. 

 

SO CAL PORNO GIRL – looking like a porn star seems to be an important aspiration for many young females in Southern California. Of course, it being So Cal, particularly the San Fernando Valley which is – so I’ve heard – porno HQ, it’s probably because they ARE porn stars. Frequently the followers of this look resemble monstrous Frankensteins of male sexual fantasy – a post feminist nightmare where every sartorial / plastic surgery decision appears as if it has been taken to accommodate and fulfill male desire. Why should I be complaining? I’m not. Well only a bit. It’s pretty obvious stuff; humungous fake fun bags, collagen enhanced lips that look ready to explode, long blonde hair, slender asses, strategically placed tattoos – Tramp Stamps – everywhere particularly above slender ass. In fact the whole look is one of imminent orgasmic explosion, as if when you – excuse pun – pricked her with a pin the sex doll would explode and then deflate, rasping off into the ether like a popped balloon. The party’s over honey.  The look is entertaining and does grab your attention – for a few seconds, after which the realisation sets in that that this style-free, low- cauture look has the depth of a very shallow bucket of piss.

 

NEO NAZI DICKIES PUNKS – Dickie’s is a brand of jeans out here worn almost exclusively by an interesting youth subspecies I have difficulty naming – perhaps because they are indeed nameless. It’s part punk, part skater, part skinhead, part Mod, all with lots of tattoos and plenty of faux-aggro. The dress sense is very specific – white socks pulled up to the knees, black and white Vans, long white shirts, short shaven hair a la skinheads. Tattoos are a must – everywere, particularly Gothic skull and crossbands and snakes on the calves. The less ink-free skin showing then the gnarlier they are. Gothic print on the back of the neck also particularly popular – doood. This sect drives low rider pick up trucks with blacked out windows. There’s something Nazi about them – the Gothic iconography, short bleached hair, sneering attitude, a very specific look – and of course it being Orange County they probably do have far right affiliations.

 

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