Posted by: martinworster | June 10, 2010

89. MAN INFECTED BY INTERNET

In what is believed to be a first, a man has been infected by the internet. The man was found in Soho with a blank expression on his face as he wandered around a porn emporium. “I don’t know what came over me,’ the man said. “There I was at work just going about my normal business, trying to do some work and be productive. Then all of a sudden – as if on autopilot, like an automaton – I left my work. I can’t explain what happened. I spent twenty minutes gambling, then I did some shopping and booked a flight. I read a newspaper for a few minutes. I then detoured to a music store where I looked at the Zombies back catalogue. After that I ended up looking at porn in a Soho sex shop.”

The man was found wandering the aisles. He’d been looking at porn for four hours. When found he was dehydrated and had to be taken to a local hospital. Doctor Rashdash, who treated the suspect, said: “We are going to be seeing more an more of this as internet use increases exponentially. Over stimulation of the brain through prolonged exposure means the users concentration is negatively affected. Productivity is also affected. Whilst starting the day with good intentitions the work rate will soon fall by the wayside as the user looks at porn and filth.”

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